>I’ve been having one mini-meltdown after another about the upcoming interview on Saturday. Enough. Goodbye to all that, at least for a while. I’ve put Regina Spektor on the CD player, fired up the incense burner and said hello to a list of 10 fictional characters that I wouldn’t mind calling “boyfriend” temporarily.
(In no particular order)
Rhett Butler– Gone With The Wind [Sure, he’s good-looking, but most of his appeal stems from the fact that his dialogue is so witty and crisp. Margaret Mitchell admired the hard-boiled school of writing. Her admiration shows in her creation of Rhett Butler.]
Oliver Mellors– Lady Chatterley’s Lover [In direct opposition to Rhett Butler, Mellors‘ dialogue actually hurts my eyes to read. I feel like I’m being dragged over brambles, deciphering that Yorkshire dialect. He’s got some good ideas about nature and the class system, though, and his little cottage seems like it would be cozy.]
Benjamin Weaver –A Conspiracy Of Paper [Ben Weaver is my newest literary crush. A retired boxer and fledgling detective, he seems like the perfect combination of brain and brawn. He’s also very witty and handsome. I’m eager to see which actor will portray him if a movie of the book is made.]
T.S. Garp –The World According To Garp [He’s a wrestler, he’s a writer, and I’m fascinated by his mother, Jenny Fields.]
Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom – Rabbit, Run [I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. For one thing, he’s too young for me now. For another, he behaves like the animal he’s nicknamed for…he checks out every damn female in the novel — even the young nurse holding his newborn daughter! But there’s something about his insouciant charm that attracts me. It might be all right if I climbed out of the hotel room window long before he woke up the next morning.]
Heathcliff – Wuthering Heights [Mr. Bybee, who was shaking his head sadly and indulgently as I copied this list out longhand, frowned in puzzlement. “You don’t mean that dumbass cat from the comic strip?” No, Mr. Bybee, I don’t, but he’d probably be a better choice than Emily Bronte’s handsome but bad-tempered creation that the cat was named after.]
Augustus “Gus” McCall –Lonesome Dove [Gus stole my heart right from page one of Larry McMurtry’s novel, then came back and stole it again when the miniseries was made. Genial, easygoing, chivalrous, romantic, witty and wise…what’s not to love? Even Mr. Bybee supports me wholeheartedly on this one, although I’m not sure he entirely approves of the whole purpose of this blog entry.]
Hotspur – Henry IV, Part I [He just seems so heroic and exciting and energetic and extreme. And doomed.]
Mr. Darcy – Pride And Prejudice [While visions of Colin Firth dance in my head.]
Luke O’Neill –The Thorn Birds [While visions of Bryan Brown dance in my head, of course. What Meggie found objectionable in him as a husband doesn’t bother me a particle. So what if I don’t see him for six months or a year because he’s off cutting sugar cane? We can have these really great passionate reunions on weekends here and there, throughout Australia. Better yet, no time to argue while we’re together, and while we’re apart, I’ve got scads of reading time!]
This list looks a lot different from a version that existed when I was in grade school. I don’t remember everyone on it, but Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, Cap Garland, Almanzo Wilder and Theodore “Laurie” Laurence were included. I reluctantly took Laurie off of today’s list — it just doesn’t look right anymore, but it does prove that youth (or age) has nothing to do with crush worthiness.
Okay. Back to work now.
[Edited to add: I debated with myself about whether to include David Axelrod from Endless Love on the list. His and Jade’s lengthy sex scene is burned into my memory, and that was a big plus, but I never have been able to stand quite that much devotion. He’d really wreak havoc upon my reading time! Sorry, Dave. Reluctantly, affectionately — No.]